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I had lunch (work-related) the other day with group of people...you know, the kind who remind you of Mr. Howell and Lovey on Gilligan's Island. They were talking about a wedding that I'm not invited to--evidently a big social event, the joining of two very big political families. I don't know about elsewhere, but these kinds of "arranged" marriages do still happen here. Then came the Bridget Jones moment. One of the frilly pink ladies turned to me and said, "Well, I think we can all be safe betting that Cate won't ever marry." There was a bit of twittering laughter after that...they're like a bunch of turkeys, these people...one starts gobbling and they all have to make some kind of noise. I simply smiled demurely and said, "Why marry when you can simply take a lover?" It was perfect. Same effect as if I'd said, "Why marry when I'm busy fucking all of your husbands?" Of course, I'm not. Fucking their husbands, that is. I sat through the rest of the lunch wondering, though, have I missed something? See, I'm one of those ninnies that's holding out for Big Love. Not that I haven't had plenty of Little Love along the way. But you get married for Big Love. That I don't know what it feels like but I'll know it when I feel it Love. Even when I've wanted Little Loves to be the Big Love...I knew. Which is why I'm still holding out. And with all the talk about beaded gowns and what style of veil and who's catering, it just seemed a bit insane to me. I've watched so many of my friends get married just because they felt it was "time" or that the idea of Big Love was foolish---mostly, they just got tired of waiting to have a wedding. Shit, I find Big Love and my "wedding" can be licking our palms and giving each other a whooping high five for all I care! The eyes of these people, these frightened, lonely men and women who gave up on Big Love a long time ago, make me sad. Turkeys. Depressing.
Tags:
- body,
- kids,
- motherhood,
- single
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Yes, indeedy, it was pefect! One of those moments that you actually say the right thing and don't have to go through your mind later finding all the perfect things to say once the moment is gone.
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Oh sweetie...
" I have found, that in this town, I have met only 3 types of men: Married, Gay, & married & Gay. Lately, the latter" That set them on their heels and their voices did drop a register or 2.
As for the women...they all have a great guy for me to meet. I'm ok for now...I would love to find a nice person to scrub the toiltes with or share the yardwork. This time, tho, I'm really careful for what I wish for.
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Holding out...
Tessa
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Re: Holding out...
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Their loss.
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Sheesh
You know you're in the right on this, of course. But what a bunch of gratuitous shit-stirrers. I hope you don't have to deal with them too often.
Cheers.
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Re: Sheesh
We call them "The Junior League" here in Texas. Heh! ; )
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I think you're cool, single or not.
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Um, actually...
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Re: Um, actually...
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Then again, I think the One True Love is a bit of a myth, being polyamorous. I think you can have a really deep, strong connection with someone or someones, and you are very right to wait for that to come along. The get-married/have-kids pressure hasn't gotten us anywhere good, IMHO.
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Default setting: anything that uses Bridget Jones as a comparative concept is probably something you want very little to do with.
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Righto! I thought the book was whiney claptrap and as for the movie, everyone knows I think that the Zellwiger looks like "It's Pat!"
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I agree
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"Well, I think we can all be safe betting that Cate won't ever marry."
Just be happy knowing that you will be happier single or married than she will ever be in her marriage... even if ignorance is bliss... it would be a close tie then....
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>>Look out, Dorothy Parker!
How much do you bet this upcoming wedding will end in divorce? :)
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Heehee, I love it... can just imagine their reactions there..
I think you're right to hold out for big love, I've never had the "ooh, I'm such an age, I should be married by now" feeling, other of my friends have, its a weird concept.
Course I've *got* big love now, and we're engaged.. and what we tend to get is, "So when's the wedding".. what, nobody has long engagements anymore? And I'm dreading the "So, when are you going to start a family" comments when we *are* man and wife, sheesh.
Licking palms and a high five? lol I like. Better than a huge great fluffy froofy white wedding lacy confection thing and all those flower girls. Um, unless you *want* the froofy lacy thing etc that is... :>
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However, I don't agree that it is necessarily superior to wait about for the one big true love. I think marriages are made for a variety of reasons, timing, similar goals, shared humor, and respect are as important as love and sex. Marriages are entered into, or should be, because two people want to build a life together. That's not a little thing, and I don't think it should be denigrated because it doesn't meet the romantic ideal.
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Why marry when you can just take a lover?
I am married, but I get the same reaction from these biddies for not having children. I get the knowing winks, "One day, you'll want children.", like, one day you'll grow up and want to be a ballerina...I'm 36 years old, and although I like kids just fine, I really don't think I'm going to wake up one morning and magically want to procreate. I've never felt that way and I don't think I'm going to start.
As far as being married, you're not missing much:-)
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Re: Why marry when you can just take a lover?
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Big Love
Needless to say, you are so right. My Big Love and I have been together for 11 years and it was so worth the wait to find it.
...Looking forward to posts from the all girls LJ slumber party too! :)
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We should all be DJ Spinster
I loved this entry.
Who are these people who cackle amongst themselves at tables and why do they feel the need to state these things out loud? Are they feeling it was clever or are they just insecure?
It very much feels like they just *live* for the wedding as a party, a reason to cater, to get the gown, and not for the bigger picture.
These people are sheep, we should make shearling coats out of the lot of them.
I always think secretly these *are* the people who settled for Mr/Mrs Right Now instead of Mr/Mrs Right and they will not be happy until all of us are in the same sad little dinghy...with a minivan and tract home and time share.
They deserve to be sitting there thinking "hey, is that single woman at our table the reason my husband is smiling these days?"
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I found the link at my very good friend Jan's website actually. And very pleased that I did find it.
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