How exactly did you become a spinster, dear?

[catelin]

I had lunch (work-related) the other day with group of people...you know, the kind who remind you of Mr. Howell and Lovey on Gilligan's Island. They were talking about a wedding that I'm not invited to--evidently a big social event, the joining of two very big political families. I don't know about elsewhere, but these kinds of "arranged" marriages do still happen here. Then came the Bridget Jones moment. One of the frilly pink ladies turned to me and said, "Well, I think we can all be safe betting that Cate won't ever marry." There was a bit of twittering laughter after that...they're like a bunch of turkeys, these people...one starts gobbling and they all have to make some kind of noise. I simply smiled demurely and said, "Why marry when you can simply take a lover?" It was perfect. Same effect as if I'd said, "Why marry when I'm busy fucking all of your husbands?" Of course, I'm not. Fucking their husbands, that is. I sat through the rest of the lunch wondering, though, have I missed something? See, I'm one of those ninnies that's holding out for Big Love. Not that I haven't had plenty of Little Love along the way. But you get married for Big Love. That I don't know what it feels like but I'll know it when I feel it Love. Even when I've wanted Little Loves to be the Big Love...I knew. Which is why I'm still holding out. And with all the talk about beaded gowns and what style of veil and who's catering, it just seemed a bit insane to me. I've watched so many of my friends get married just because they felt it was "time" or that the idea of Big Love was foolish---mostly, they just got tired of waiting to have a wedding. Shit, I find Big Love and my "wedding" can be licking our palms and giving each other a whooping high five for all I care! The eyes of these people, these frightened, lonely men and women who gave up on Big Love a long time ago, make me sad. Turkeys. Depressing.

Comments

[todfox.livejournal.com]

I thought I'd found "big love" but it turned out I was wrong. Like you, I'm glad not to have 'settled' for it -- I'd hate to think where I'd be if I hadn't followed someone's advice and gone through with buying a ring and everything...

Then again, I think the One True Love is a bit of a myth, being polyamorous. I think you can have a really deep, strong connection with someone or someones, and you are very right to wait for that to come along. The get-married/have-kids pressure hasn't gotten us anywhere good, IMHO.

[catelin.livejournal.com]

Oh, I don't know if Big Love is the same as One True Love. Big Love for me is a broader concept...harder to define than the traditional "soulmate" thing. I'll have to think on it and see if I can put it into words. I've never tried before...but it's bound to be an interesting topic. Thanks!