How exactly did you become a spinster, dear?

[catelin]

I had lunch (work-related) the other day with group of people...you know, the kind who remind you of Mr. Howell and Lovey on Gilligan's Island. They were talking about a wedding that I'm not invited to--evidently a big social event, the joining of two very big political families. I don't know about elsewhere, but these kinds of "arranged" marriages do still happen here. Then came the Bridget Jones moment. One of the frilly pink ladies turned to me and said, "Well, I think we can all be safe betting that Cate won't ever marry." There was a bit of twittering laughter after that...they're like a bunch of turkeys, these people...one starts gobbling and they all have to make some kind of noise. I simply smiled demurely and said, "Why marry when you can simply take a lover?" It was perfect. Same effect as if I'd said, "Why marry when I'm busy fucking all of your husbands?" Of course, I'm not. Fucking their husbands, that is. I sat through the rest of the lunch wondering, though, have I missed something? See, I'm one of those ninnies that's holding out for Big Love. Not that I haven't had plenty of Little Love along the way. But you get married for Big Love. That I don't know what it feels like but I'll know it when I feel it Love. Even when I've wanted Little Loves to be the Big Love...I knew. Which is why I'm still holding out. And with all the talk about beaded gowns and what style of veil and who's catering, it just seemed a bit insane to me. I've watched so many of my friends get married just because they felt it was "time" or that the idea of Big Love was foolish---mostly, they just got tired of waiting to have a wedding. Shit, I find Big Love and my "wedding" can be licking our palms and giving each other a whooping high five for all I care! The eyes of these people, these frightened, lonely men and women who gave up on Big Love a long time ago, make me sad. Turkeys. Depressing.

Comments

[catelin.livejournal.com]

Oh, I don't mean to imply that waiting on Big Love is superior in the least. In fact, it may be that the big joke's on me for believing in such a concept in the first place. As I said earlier, I've yet to really define Big Love...so it's probably hard to make my point, but what I do mind is the culturally engrained "spinster pity" that we gals are subjected to here in the South. Most people from my hometown decided I was a lesbian when I was 25 and hadn't yet been hitched/divorced. And *gasp* forget about it when they find out that I have two children "out of wedlock!" Even my dad, who was one of the most liberal cool people I ever knew, couldn't swallow that one for several years.

Re:

[nandan.livejournal.com]

I'm right there with you. I bet, despite the difficulties of being a single mom, you're having more fun than most of those self righteous prigs. Rock on!

Why marry when you can just take a lover?

[cathead9.livejournal.com]

I envy your way with words, my dear!

I am married, but I get the same reaction from these biddies for not having children. I get the knowing winks, "One day, you'll want children.", like, one day you'll grow up and want to be a ballerina...I'm 36 years old, and although I like kids just fine, I really don't think I'm going to wake up one morning and magically want to procreate. I've never felt that way and I don't think I'm going to start.
As far as being married, you're not missing much:-)

Re: Why marry when you can just take a lover?

[catelin.livejournal.com]

Ha! Perhaps the point is that the biddies will do as biddies do...always searching for some way to tear at the flesh of those who make them uncomfortable. ; )