10 Repulsive Things About The Oscars Noticed By Cate While Doing Her Income Taxes And Making Brownie

[catelin]

1. Russell Crowe's hair (Go Greased Lightning!!)
2. Steve Martin's painfully humorless "jokes."
3. Catherine Zeta Jones and her self-conscious camera-hogging. Blech!
4. Bob Dylan's teeth and the way that camera angle made it look like his eyes were rolling up into his head...too Bela Lugosi.
5. Dino DeLaurentis seems to have fathered his own grandchildren.
6. Bjork's "Leda" impression.
7. Appalling lack of much of anything but white, white, white faces.
8. Just about all of the real class acts have died.
9. The goofy satellite sequences.
10. Rene Zellwiger's constant squinting and blinking...Reminded me of "It's Pat."

Comments

I was thinking about Bob Dylan

[tsarina.livejournal.com]

Watching that odd camera angle made me think, "Damn Bob looks like the Devil there." Creepy and awfully amusing.

yes. i agree

[mgansle.livejournal.com]

i'm glad to see i'm not the only one who hated russel crowe's hair!

Re: yes. i agree

[catelin.livejournal.com]

His new style: The Pompous-dour.

Almost Famous

[chaizzilla.livejournal.com]

almost famous shoulda swept up, though i haven't seen
crouching tiger everybody says i'll love it so that
should have swept everything else

[doctorgogol.livejournal.com]

I must respectfully disagree. I thought Steve Martin's dry delivery made him the best host in years, particularly all of the Russell Crowe bashing. Far more amusing than Mr. Crowe's hair. Or pehaps I just still give Mr. Martin slack that has since evaporated for Ms. Goldberg and Mr. Crystal.

And I simply loved Dylan's slightly hilarious performance... to me he looked like a mad cross between Slim Whitman and Vincent Price. I believe ALL Oscar song performances should be performed against a black void with creepy up-lighting. It was the only win of the evening where the losers didn't look miffed. After all, you can't really complain to losing out to Bob Dylan, can you?

[catelin.livejournal.com]

Actually, I don't think it was the content of the jokes that bothered me so much as his pained half-embarassed delivery of them. I would have preferred gleefully unapologetic jibes. But anything is better that Whoopie/Billy. Ack. I did enjoy the way Russell Crowe puffed up like a wet hen--oh so self-righteous and indignant! THAT made me laugh.

Slim Whitman + Vincent Price...That's exactly it!!! Hehehehehe!!! Oh, Bobby...what has happened that you've come to this? ; )

[drfardook.livejournal.com]

Bob ~= Vincent Price

Julia Robert != (but wishes she did) Audrey Hepburn. That really annoyed the hell out of me.

Ah, bob, what happened to you indeed....

Bob Sieger said that folk music in america is just a bunch of people fishing from the same stream. All pulling their catch from the same continual flow.

Arlo Guthrie said that Bob Dylan is the guy at the head of the stream with the big ass net.

[catelin.livejournal.com]

That's hilarious. I love Arlo. : ) And the Julia/Audrey....don't know if that's what she was going for; but if so, she failed (as anyone would--Audrey Hepburn is one of a kind).

[maya12.livejournal.com]

Ahh, but didn't you just love Willem!!! That smile does it for me every time.

[windshear.livejournal.com]

Not only did Russell Crowe look like an errant member of Sha Na Na, he also seemed heavily sedated (see his "what, me?" expression when his Oscar win was announced) throughout.

Pining for Meg? Prozac OD? Only his therapist (and possibly hairdresser) knows for sure.

And why was Julia Roberts, patron saint of horses, attempting to impersonate Audrey Hepburn in "My Fair Lady"?

What a crashing bore.

[catelin.livejournal.com]

Patron Saint of Horses!! That's rich!

[sorrento.livejournal.com]

I agree with everything.

Just two questions:

1. Somebody actually saw "It's Pat"?
2. Can I have a brownie?

Re:

[catelin.livejournal.com]

Well, I didn't actually see "It's Pat" but I saw her squinting and squirming in the previews for it. I don't think a brownie would weather the trip to you, but I'll be happy to eat one on your behalf. ; )

LOLOLOL

[razorart.livejournal.com]

Excellent point. Especially about DeLaurentis and Zellwiger (my god, why do people call her gorgeous all the time? I thought it was just me. She is heinous).
It really would have made my night if they gave her the proper announcement, "Next up is star of Texas Chainsaw Massacre four..."

Re: LOLOLOL

[catelin.livejournal.com]

Hehehe! I'd forgotten about that! She's really unattractive to me too. Aside from the "It's Pat" connection, the only other image she conjures for me is what I always imagined Jody the Pig from "The Amityville Horror" to look like.

[raindog.livejournal.com]

I think I would have enjoyed these exchanges more if I knew you were referencing. Dylan, Martin, and Guthrie are the only names to which I can affix a face...

[catelin.livejournal.com]

Believe me, my non-television watching friend, you didn't miss much! : )

[(Anonymous)]

I found Zellwiger to be terrific in NURSE BETTY, which I'm starting to feel bad about not listing on last year's 10 Best, um, List.