Sometimes Things Need to Be Said Out Loud

[catelin]

We met online a couple of years ago. We were both lurking in a poetry chatroom and he struck up a conversation. I was never that good at the chatroom thing. I didn't have the patience for the tiresome questions about my age, marital status, sexual preference...I'm sure you know the drill. He was different, though. He didn't ask me the stupid questions. He called himself "Custard Brain" and that made me chuckle. It was so....anti-suave, you know? He was smart. More than that; he was clever. He had a wit, a razor sharp wit and a way with words that still leaves me dazzled each time I have mail from him. We spent hours talking to one another about everything and nothing. It was one of those rare connections that people make, even when they are face-to-face. It wasn't about flirting; it wasn't about sex; it wasn't about anything but being friends. We were so stupid sometimes that I'd have tears in my eyes from laughing so hard. But it was that good kind of stupid...that kind that you can only share with the people you trust.

I never thought about it until later; but from the moment I met him, I knew, without any doubt at all, that we were going to mean something very important to each other. That our connection was going to have a significance that would outlast any infatuation with certain sites or virtual meeting places. I was right, you know. He is the reason for so many of the things that I've done. He liked my writing. He was the first person, other than my best girlfriend, to tell me that I had some talent...and that I should keep writing. Even when other's reactions to my stories were lukewarm, he would gently nudge me into continuing. Most of what I wrote wouldn't have been written if it weren't for him. The literary site that I created would not have ever existed if it weren't for him. I would not be writing this here if it weren't for him. I love him in a profoundly, intensely personal way...if there are soul mates, then I have no doubt he is one of mine. It goes so far beyond anything physical, and yet I can almost feel myself tethered to him by the heartstrings from across an ocean. I almost never comment on his journal entries because it's awkward having to share him with others; as I'm sure it is for him to share me. We are both so busy that we hardly have time for more than the occasional "Hey, just checking to make sure you're still alive" email. I have never seen him in person; I'm not sure if I ever will....but it makes no difference to me. I see him. I see him every day, in everything that I do. His name is Val...and he calls me "Cate of the Deserts" and "Cate-o" and all sorts of other wonderful silly names. I am breaking the silence and sharing some of our secrets because I just wanted him to know that things are very much as they were in that joyful beginning we had...and as they shall always be.

Comments

[catelin.livejournal.com]

:::::))))))