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I have rarely cut people from my journal, especially with unkind feeling toward them. Today, I did so. I did it with disgust and relief, but I did not do it lightly. You see, I am a big believer in dissent and debate. I do not take it personally when people care to express different views--be they political, religious, what have you--from those that are dear to me. And my views are dear to me. I have earned the right to have them through experiences both joyful and desperate. I always assume that others have come to their views in much the same way. I am always surprised to find how many have not.
When you are so glib in your railing against "queers and homos," I recall sitting with my friends in the rooms of strangers. They were dying and we were there so they would not leave this earth with no one to bear witness to their passing. Abandoned by everyone who should have loved them, abandoned by a government that should have supported them, they died in the arms of people who barely knew them. When you speak of other human beings with a hatred disguised as flippancy, I recognize you, asshole. I know who you are from that dark time when so many of my friends were sick, sick to death. And you did nothing but smile and say it was your god's will.
When you talk about the sanctity of life and how no woman should ever have the right to "kill her baby" I recognize you. You are the one who is terrified of women, who secretly hates me for being in the same courtroom as you because you believe that your penis makes you better than me. You are the one who goes to church every Sunday, but didn't hesitate when you paid for your Sancha's abortion so your wife wouldn't find out you were fucking someone behind her back. You think we don't know, but we do. Everyone does. I certainly recognize you as the same hypocrite who wears a thousand different skins in a million different ways. We've all seen you because your selfishness is too great to be camouflaged.
When you call my candidate of choice a "negro" you conjure every memory I have of race and hatefulness. Being a sister of the south, I have plenty of those. I know that you didn't use the word you really meant, not only because you are a coward but because you feel that not saying it somehow lends a patina of civility to your bigotry. It doesn't. You are the same mean spirited whisper behind my grandmothers' backs, using the same word for the both of them regardless of the tone of their skin...dark or honeyed brown. You are the reason that many of my friends are the first children in their families not to speak Spanish. Their parents didn't teach them, they discouraged them from anything but English--English that you used to put signs in store windows that said "NO DOGS OR MEXICANS." Have you forgotten that? I haven't. You are the same good looking young man who smiled at my friend in the bar 25 years ago and leaned into her ear to hiss "No hablo español." Did you not remember that? Because she still does, and so do I. The funny thing? She really didn't "habla español" because her parents had grown up getting their knuckles rapped at school for slipping into their native tongue. They'd learned to deprive her of the language that had been in their family for generations. You taught them that. You are this country's shame, and I am sorry that you still feel so afraid of everything and everyone.
You are the weight around so many necks, the boot on so many throats. Have your smug say somewhere else. I respect your right to do so, but this little corner of the virtual world is like my kitchen table and I find that I do take it personally when you hurt so many people that I love with your words. I wouldn't invite anyone with that sort of bile oozing from their spirit into my home, so I feel comfortable choosing to no longer have your hatefulness smeared in my face here.
When you are so glib in your railing against "queers and homos," I recall sitting with my friends in the rooms of strangers. They were dying and we were there so they would not leave this earth with no one to bear witness to their passing. Abandoned by everyone who should have loved them, abandoned by a government that should have supported them, they died in the arms of people who barely knew them. When you speak of other human beings with a hatred disguised as flippancy, I recognize you, asshole. I know who you are from that dark time when so many of my friends were sick, sick to death. And you did nothing but smile and say it was your god's will.
When you talk about the sanctity of life and how no woman should ever have the right to "kill her baby" I recognize you. You are the one who is terrified of women, who secretly hates me for being in the same courtroom as you because you believe that your penis makes you better than me. You are the one who goes to church every Sunday, but didn't hesitate when you paid for your Sancha's abortion so your wife wouldn't find out you were fucking someone behind her back. You think we don't know, but we do. Everyone does. I certainly recognize you as the same hypocrite who wears a thousand different skins in a million different ways. We've all seen you because your selfishness is too great to be camouflaged.
When you call my candidate of choice a "negro" you conjure every memory I have of race and hatefulness. Being a sister of the south, I have plenty of those. I know that you didn't use the word you really meant, not only because you are a coward but because you feel that not saying it somehow lends a patina of civility to your bigotry. It doesn't. You are the same mean spirited whisper behind my grandmothers' backs, using the same word for the both of them regardless of the tone of their skin...dark or honeyed brown. You are the reason that many of my friends are the first children in their families not to speak Spanish. Their parents didn't teach them, they discouraged them from anything but English--English that you used to put signs in store windows that said "NO DOGS OR MEXICANS." Have you forgotten that? I haven't. You are the same good looking young man who smiled at my friend in the bar 25 years ago and leaned into her ear to hiss "No hablo español." Did you not remember that? Because she still does, and so do I. The funny thing? She really didn't "habla español" because her parents had grown up getting their knuckles rapped at school for slipping into their native tongue. They'd learned to deprive her of the language that had been in their family for generations. You taught them that. You are this country's shame, and I am sorry that you still feel so afraid of everything and everyone.
You are the weight around so many necks, the boot on so many throats. Have your smug say somewhere else. I respect your right to do so, but this little corner of the virtual world is like my kitchen table and I find that I do take it personally when you hurt so many people that I love with your words. I wouldn't invite anyone with that sort of bile oozing from their spirit into my home, so I feel comfortable choosing to no longer have your hatefulness smeared in my face here.
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I almost wanted to print this out and hand it to my father. I am caught right now in a dilemma where on one hand, "hey you're my father" and on the other hand he could be this person in your writing and it saddens me. That I can't get close to a person who thinks this way. Do you cut them off, do you ignore what they say and grin and bear it? I can't. I did not grow up to be who I am to happily ignore all his barbs. I am thankful he did not raise me, but I no longer want to invite him into my life only to hear things like this and he says all of these things and more.
In a few months my friends are getting married. They are men and I have never been so happy about a wedding. My family saw the invitation and laughed. Only because they are men marrying. They were offended the invitation said "god only knows what I'd be without you" because they don't think gay people should ever use "god" because in their world god hates them.
And I will cry at their wedding and love them forever for being strong and doing this. I will celebrate their love. And to think people laugh and scowl and yes, in essence sit at your kitchen table and think because of the colour of our skin we will agree with all their bigotry and racism remarks makes me want to stick a butter knife in their hand and smile.
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You are my hero.
-S
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I think I might just take a break from the Internet.
One of the best things about using a feed reader rather than LiveJournal is that you don't have to see anything written by idiots, even if they're idiots you happen to know.
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(PS. Ages ago I asked you about your background and Spanish speaking and you were very nice and took the trouble to repley. You gave me the push I needed to start Spanish lessons and I'm finally getting reasonably competent Thank you!)
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rock on, sister.
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righteous
right
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It's still shocking to me how aggressively ignorant so many people still are in this country. I don't get it.
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*how perfectly pithy*
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P.S - I dont know you personally, but the more I read your journal - my respect for you grows.
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Keep fighting for the good in the world!
~**~**~**~
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