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About 20 years ago... (1982)
1. My favorite outfit was a pair of Levi 501's with a shirt I'd made out of old curtains (think shabby chic before its time and on someone's body instead of their furniture), a pair of vintage penny loafers that I'd stuck Guatemalan five cent pieces into, a Marlboro hanging from one lip and a cherry-vanilla Dr. Pepper from Sonic in the one hand, car keys to the incredibly uncool VW van in the other.
2. I was working as a waitress/hostess at a Mexican restaurant until I graduated from high school in May, and I was in love with the cook. His name was Roy and he was 25. I thought he was Cary Grant. He moved to San Angelo that year and I was heartbroken.
3. I went to the Guadalupe mountains with my parents, against my will. I met a very strange kid there, from a different school, a couple of years younger than me. When we got back to town, we went to the movies together and saw Zoot Suit. I was obsessed with cholos that year.
4. I found out the first boy that I really had a toe-curling kiss with (behind some curtains on the stage in 7th grade) had died in a car wreck a year earlier. All I could think about was the way his braces rubbed against my tongue and how warm his breath had been. The tragedy of his death at such a young age cuts even deeper as I get older.
About 10 years ago... (1992)
1. My favorite outfit was a tight, black, scoop neck, long-sleeved shirt and a pair of 501's, Doc's, fire engine red Chanel lipstick, a pair of tortoise shell glasses, a Camel hanging from my lips, and a cheap but lethal margarita from the Frolic Room in one hand and my boyfriend's hand in the other.
2. I was still in law school, working two jobs and staying up way too late every night with the longhaired genius boy. It was the peak of my turn as the better half of an industry darling. We went everywhere, without ever having to pay or wait in a line. It was the year I met enough "famous" people to figure out that they were pretty ordinary, except weirded out by ultra-popularity. It was a strange combination of experiences--studying with a bunch of uptight law students, working in the projects of East L.A. and Compton/Watts area during the day, and hanging out with the beautiful people at night.
3. I went to Stinson Beach for the first time that year. It was the first time I ever had artichoke soup or saw cliffs and an ocean within a few hundred feet of each other. It was the first time I really started to think in a meaningful way about how profoundly beautiful the earth is.
4. My grandfather on my dad's side had died years earlier. My grandparents had moved from the hill country after Evelyn, my grandmother's best friend of over forty years, died. My grandmother said she'd just been washing lettuce for a salad at her son's house in Houston and dropped dead. My grandmother couldn't bear living next door to Evelyn's empty house after that, so she told my grandfather it was time to move. I knew then she was getting ready for the end of her own life.
About 5 years ago... (1997)
1. My favorite outfit was a sleeveless maternity top and a pair of giant size 501's (to fit around my giant size pregnant belly) that I'd snagged from a thrift store, a pair of flat sling back sandals, a two-year-old under one arm and bar review books under the other.
2. I was working two jobs and took the Texas bar exam when I was eight months pregnant. I was living in a situation that is too awful to even get into. I referred to my house as "mi jaula" (my cage)...so I'll just leave it at that. My family had, for the most part, decided to have nothing to do with me. It was the most miserable year I've had in my life.
3. My schedule in 1997: Wake up at 5am. Study until 7am. Work on contract work until 9am. Take Max to daycare. Drive 40 miles to get to university for office hours by 10am. Teach from 11am to 2pm. Work on contract work until 4pm. Drive 40 miles home to pick up Max from daycare. Spend an hour with Max before class. Drive another 45 miles to get to bar review class. Bar review from 6pm-10pm. Drive home. Study from 11pm to 1am. Repeat. (Point being...no vacation that year.)
4. My grandmother had been dead for three years, my family had imploded. This was the year that my dad told me that nothing I'd ever done amounted to shit. He broke my heart and I grew up. It was the year I realized how much my grandmother had been the mortar in the cracks between us all. I missed her more than I ever had that year.
About 2 years ago... (2000)
1. My favorite outfit was a pair of 501's and an old Low Pop Suicide t-shirt, same old Doc's, hair back in a bandana, Camel once again hanging from my lips, gardening tool in one hand, kids underfoot.
2. I was working at the D.A.'s office full-time, living on my own, and finally feeling like my life was coming back together again. Still seeing the father of my boys after a short break-up, convinced that this time we could somehow make things work.
3. I went to Mexico and New York City for fun that year, and up to Quantico for work stuff. I met Janet Reno and Louis Freer and actually said the word "cocksucker" to about a hundred people from all over the country (in a professional capacity, of course).
4. They put my dad's mother in a nursing home that year, and I was so upset that I still don't even talk about it. It was/is a fucked decision that I don't have any power to do anything about. She doesn't even know where she is anymore...which is the only good thing I can say about the situation. A good kind-hearted man, a father, a son, a brother, and a friend to many people died after being shot in the face with an assault rifle.
About 1 year ago... (2001)
1. My favorite outfit was a pair of 501's and a Selecter t-shirt from who knows when, same Doc's, same brand of cigarette hanging from my lips, same but bigger kids underfoot, paintbrush in one hand, gardening tools in the other.
2. Still at the same job, still loving my work...gearing up for a huge child abuse case. The acute misery of my relationship had transformed to just a dull throb, and I was ashamed of myself for staying with him when I knew better.
3. I went to the lake every chance I got and spent more time outdoors than I had in years. It was the best thing I ever did for myself. I bought my own house and decided I was going to have a good life...that my kids were going to have a good life...and I was strong enough to make sure of that for all of us.
4. It was the first year in a long while that I didn't lose anyone. Definitely a good year.
Today...
1. My favorite outfit is the same pair of jeans, a long-sleeve RAWA t-shirt, same old Doc's, whatever pair of glasses I can manage to find, NO CIGARETTE HANGING FROM MY LIPS BECAUSE I DECIDED I LIKED TO BREATHE!!! (that's for you, Teri!), a cup of coffee in one hand, and a pen in the other.
2. Still at the same job, just collecting more junk in my office. Have decided I definitely need a bullhorn for work fun. Starting as a soccer coach next month!! : )
3. Traveling as often as I can. Content for the first time in a very long time. My life is full to overflowing with all sorts of good things.
4. I said goodbye to the last clinging vestiges of a dead relationship this year, but with the hope that it will be reborn eventually as something better. I've gained more than I've lost, and that's the best possible outcome in life, isn't it?
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Thanks for doing that, Catelin - I've had such excellent reading from everyone this morning!
*chuckle*...."cocksucker".... BWAHAHAHA!
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I'm not happy at all about his new little pastime. :-/
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Heh! Sort of like a Gap commericial...except cool. ; )
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I hear ya sistah
Be happy a lady and enjoy...I sometimes find that a hard thing to do, without guilt (good Catholic guilt).
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I attempted to do a 20yr and 10 yr ago rant last month. Yours made me think, this is how I 'should' have written mine!!
Did your dad ever apologise for what he said in 97?
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....experiencing a moment of clarity...Zing! This I will be chewing on for quite a while!
I loved reading this whole post! Thank you for sharing it!! Hey, one of the important things that got deleted on my computer was your address...do you mind sending it my way again? I am really thinking of letting go of lj...but you and Teri are the two I would like to send a real letter to and include pictures because I know purchacing a scanner is not in my near future! I am more than a moon! ;)
Hugs, Deb
debnjeb@aol.com
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And on a MUCH brighter note...CONGRATULATIONS!! I should have said that a while back! : )
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jeje encontre algunos parecidos.
i live in jeans.
Amo las Doctor, l?stima que ac? sean so expensive.
my second name is Guadalupe.
he sido mesera .
yo entre a una jaula en el 97 too.
tee hee
Siempre he tenido la curiosidad por saber cu?nto cambiamos
los outfits a lo largo de nuestras vidas. Y lo que veo en ti me clarifica
que apesar de que la apariencia cambie, t?s ideas y sue?os(que es lo que
importa)siempre han reflejado tu esencia, por cierto, muy interesante.
Y al final una mujer disfrutando su cosecha .
::??]]
oh s? una vez m?s los 90's rockean.
P.S. Me gustar?a que alguna vez compartieras el soundtrack de tu vida.
bueno alomejor ya lo has escrito antes. dunno.
*smooch*
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I love the sound of that, Silvia. It is certainly a very good thing to be. : )