Boxes

I have struggled the last few days with either wanting to write so badly that my fingers itched or never wanting to turn my computer on again. I feel so disconnected here, even as I bustle with all the details that make a home start to take shape. I am out of place here, not that this is any big change. I've never found a place where my tribe exists in great numbers. But I am acutely aware of my differences when I stand outside Jacob's school, waiting with the other moms to pick up our kids. There are no conversations that sound familiar to me. I'm not used to talking about the things these women talk about...after school gym classes, bake sales, volunteer work. I don't mean to belittle these women at all. It's just a different world that I haven't learned the language for yet. I come from a world where normal lunch conversation often centered around stories of the underbelly...dead bodies, overdoses, child molesters...every possible combination of inappropriate and disturbing talk. This was my normal, so discussions about suburban life are something I'm going to have to work my way into gradually, I suppose.

On the other hand, everyone here seems so nice. My discomfort is generated internally; all of the people I've met here seem genuinely friendly and eager to know me. The kids love it here and it's going to be a great improvement for them, having friends right down the block as opposed to several miles away when we lived out in the country. The house is beautiful and I have so much space to work in that it's overwhelming. We're still at that "barely livable" stage where only the essentials are out of boxes, but I'm making headway so we'll soon be more comfortable. The leaves that were brilliant hues of sunset have already fallen from the trees for the most part. I have a sense that a hard winter is coming...probably another explanation for my feeling an urgency to burrow in and get settled.

For those of you wondering why no email from me, I can receive but I cannot send. Something wonky in the settings that I have to get straightened out. I'll send out all my new contact info to ya'll shortly. I still have the same cell number as before. I probably won't post much until I have something more to say than how new and strange everything is...I even bore myself with that, so I'll spare you after today. I'm off to the doctor to take child #2 for his TB test. I have an awful cold and probably look a little consumptive myself. My mood is gray and a bit ragged around the edges, a mix of my sore throat and the cloudy weather. I miss you all. And I'm still here, just not with much interesting to say.