Lotería

I mowed the grass today, probably for the last time until the spring. The boys moved rocks in the back yard for entertainment...little boys can always find pleasure in the simple things. Went to a birthday party for a couple of boys the same age as mine. I've known both of them since they were babies. Their father was the hostest with the mostest. Evidently, when I wasn't paying attention, he and his wife divorced. I'm pretty obtuse when it comes to come ons...unless I'm really looking for one. But about half-way through the party, I figured out that this guy was slobbering all over me. Was it the straps on my clunky funky Mary Janes? Was it that I finally waxed my eyebrows this morning? Or that I actually wore a bra for a change? Was it the lipstick that, according to my best guy friend at work, screams "I give great head?" Who knows? One thing I can say is that it was nice to be the center of that sort of attention for a change...my libido's probably been wondering if there's even a body attached to it anymore. Nothing will come of it, of course...it'd just be...well, too Harper Valley PTA. My overly developed sense of loyalty, even to a pseudo-relationship, keeps my body in limbo and my sexual peak (which is supposed to be happening sometime this decade, right?) hollering "What a fucking waste!" And so it goes.

In other news---and those of you who know me best will be the most shocked by this---I actually quit smoking. I haven't said anything about it because I didn't want to jinx myself but it's been a week now and I'm the stubborn type so once I make up my mind to do it, it's done. I love to smoke. I mean, really really really LOVE to smoke...but I'm getting old, and it was starting to make me feel like shit...not like when I could smoke a pack a day and run cross-country track back in high school. Things change. I want to live to see my kids have kids...and I want to be able to breathe. I'm even thinking of taking up running again. Yes, E., I have gone insane!! ; )

Blast from the past news...seems an old (and I mean ancient!!!!) beau from way back when has tracked me down. He's from Mexico and evidently now very high up in the new Vicente Fox administration...something to do with the federal police. I spoke with a friend of his from Laredo and he should be contacting me sometime this next week. Weird. I haven't seen him in over 20 years...since I was 15. I was soooooooo in love with him back then....in that all or nothing teenage dreamy sort of way. I still have all those old letters he wrote boxed up in the attic. I think I'll read them again, just for fun.

Other messages for people I care about---sort them out amongst yourselves. You owe me an e-mail...and I'm growing hopeless right under your nose, do you not see? Thank you for making me laugh my ass off when I was in dire need of it. I will call you sometime this week...and I've been missing you like crazy for some reason the last few days. Do you think about me? The thing you and I talked about regarding that certain person I was thinking about...not going to happen...for a lot of different reasons that he has nothing to do with. You owe me a road trip!!! You owe me some direct words in the daylight instead of writing your name in my ear with your breath nights just because you know I won't remember it when I wake up. And you...well, you I just plain fucking love. Period. : )