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I mowed the grass today, probably for the last time until the spring. The boys moved rocks in the back yard for entertainment...little boys can always find pleasure in the simple things. Went to a birthday party for a couple of boys the same age as mine. I've known both of them since they were babies. Their father was the hostest with the mostest. Evidently, when I wasn't paying attention, he and his wife divorced. I'm pretty obtuse when it comes to come ons...unless I'm really looking for one. But about half-way through the party, I figured out that this guy was slobbering all over me. Was it the straps on my clunky funky Mary Janes? Was it that I finally waxed my eyebrows this morning? Or that I actually wore a bra for a change? Was it the lipstick that, according to my best guy friend at work, screams "I give great head?" Who knows? One thing I can say is that it was nice to be the center of that sort of attention for a change...my libido's probably been wondering if there's even a body attached to it anymore. Nothing will come of it, of course...it'd just be...well, too Harper Valley PTA. My overly developed sense of loyalty, even to a pseudo-relationship, keeps my body in limbo and my sexual peak (which is supposed to be happening sometime this decade, right?) hollering "What a fucking waste!" And so it goes.
In other news---and those of you who know me best will be the most shocked by this---I actually quit smoking. I haven't said anything about it because I didn't want to jinx myself but it's been a week now and I'm the stubborn type so once I make up my mind to do it, it's done. I love to smoke. I mean, really really really LOVE to smoke...but I'm getting old, and it was starting to make me feel like shit...not like when I could smoke a pack a day and run cross-country track back in high school. Things change. I want to live to see my kids have kids...and I want to be able to breathe. I'm even thinking of taking up running again. Yes, E., I have gone insane!! ; )
Blast from the past news...seems an old (and I mean ancient!!!!) beau from way back when has tracked me down. He's from Mexico and evidently now very high up in the new Vicente Fox administration...something to do with the federal police. I spoke with a friend of his from Laredo and he should be contacting me sometime this next week. Weird. I haven't seen him in over 20 years...since I was 15. I was soooooooo in love with him back then....in that all or nothing teenage dreamy sort of way. I still have all those old letters he wrote boxed up in the attic. I think I'll read them again, just for fun.
Other messages for people I care about---sort them out amongst yourselves. You owe me an e-mail...and I'm growing hopeless right under your nose, do you not see? Thank you for making me laugh my ass off when I was in dire need of it. I will call you sometime this week...and I've been missing you like crazy for some reason the last few days. Do you think about me? The thing you and I talked about regarding that certain person I was thinking about...not going to happen...for a lot of different reasons that he has nothing to do with. You owe me a road trip!!! You owe me some direct words in the daylight instead of writing your name in my ear with your breath nights just because you know I won't remember it when I wake up. And you...well, you I just plain fucking love. Period. : )
In other news---and those of you who know me best will be the most shocked by this---I actually quit smoking. I haven't said anything about it because I didn't want to jinx myself but it's been a week now and I'm the stubborn type so once I make up my mind to do it, it's done. I love to smoke. I mean, really really really LOVE to smoke...but I'm getting old, and it was starting to make me feel like shit...not like when I could smoke a pack a day and run cross-country track back in high school. Things change. I want to live to see my kids have kids...and I want to be able to breathe. I'm even thinking of taking up running again. Yes, E., I have gone insane!! ; )
Blast from the past news...seems an old (and I mean ancient!!!!) beau from way back when has tracked me down. He's from Mexico and evidently now very high up in the new Vicente Fox administration...something to do with the federal police. I spoke with a friend of his from Laredo and he should be contacting me sometime this next week. Weird. I haven't seen him in over 20 years...since I was 15. I was soooooooo in love with him back then....in that all or nothing teenage dreamy sort of way. I still have all those old letters he wrote boxed up in the attic. I think I'll read them again, just for fun.
Other messages for people I care about---sort them out amongst yourselves. You owe me an e-mail...and I'm growing hopeless right under your nose, do you not see? Thank you for making me laugh my ass off when I was in dire need of it. I will call you sometime this week...and I've been missing you like crazy for some reason the last few days. Do you think about me? The thing you and I talked about regarding that certain person I was thinking about...not going to happen...for a lot of different reasons that he has nothing to do with. You owe me a road trip!!! You owe me some direct words in the daylight instead of writing your name in my ear with your breath nights just because you know I won't remember it when I wake up. And you...well, you I just plain fucking love. Period. : )
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Insanity's a good thang!!!
Hey! I just remembered a kind of bizarre connection. A few days ago I had a rare and isolated smoke. The next day I was coughing and feeling blecky and I thought, OK, it's time for that bud-o-mine in Tejas to knock this shit off! And you had already! I say again: Woo HOO! You go girl!
(We gotta talk)
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Have you seen this? I found a similar list helpful at times. I would keep track of where I was and think about how each additional day helped move me farther along the scale.
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congratulations!
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Re: congratulations!
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Re: congratulations!
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I did stop smoking 4 years ago and?
I used to drink alchol to and stoped it 18 years ago also i use to smoke hash for some time and stoped all that now i am free from evrey thing i am very happy this way 1000,000 times than when i was using all that stuff.
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Re: I did stop smoking 4 years ago and?
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I still prefer "come fuck me" shoes to "I give great head" lipstick. But I'm old.
I started smoking when I was 15. And was still offered full athletic scholarships for track.
I love smoking. I used to say that someday I would quit. And then I did. Cold turkey. One day at a time.
I quit for eight years. It got to the point that I hated the smell. But I was never a non smoker. I was just a smoker who wasn't smoking, today.
Over eight years I gained 40 pounds. Got divorced. And then, as a very concious decision, started smoking again. I may quit again, though I doubt it. I have the advantage of knowing that there are other things that will probably get to me before the cigarettes do - though that is another story.
But stick with it!!! You can do it.
Damn, Cate. You could write about marshmellows and make it worth reading.
I am in awe.
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I too think that I will always be a smoker who's not smoking today...I just hate the idea of "never again" when it comes to my vices. ; )
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About the come on...
Who can blame a man for coming on to you?
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Re: About the come on...
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Awww Gee
"And you...well, you I just plain fucking love. Period. : ) "
That's the nicest thing I have heard all day.
WTG on kicking the habit!! Now how about a kiss ?
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here come the crayons...
...email forthwith, thas as far as i got...rather, as far as i dared: it's crowded, like jim said " The grand highway is crowded with..ummm, something..dammit, i forget...
oh well.
i'll be right back...
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Re: here come the crayons...
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Atta girl
His current object of desire, from what I've been told by the intelligencia, is a chain smoker. I can buy a pack and it'll last me a week of when I'm in the company of avid smokers or highly creative, I lung it with the best of them.
As for you getting hit on. It sure is fun when the boys take notice. I've been wondering myself about this sexual peak thing...however I've been abstinent for the majority of the decade (age wise, I'm 7 years into it...closing in fast). I've wondered that the lack of use has caused some of my "female" problems?
Lost Beaus...had a wonderful chat a few years back with the first boy/man who made the earth move. He's still a nice person. He sounded well and it was truly karma working when we connected. I haven't had the desire to seek him out since, nor really know if he's still at the last known location. Memories are better left as they are, at times.
Cate, sounds like you too have been caught in the magic that eveloped the cosmos this weekend. During the darkest moments of impending world ick...you, some of my friends and myself have all had encounters that, to me, seem to speak from a higher place. I've had a renewed hope and feel like I can take the challenge. Are we aligning ourselves to where we really need to be? Your guess is as good as mine...but there will always be time for good stories, herbal tea and laughing children.
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Re: Atta girl
I couldn't have said it better!! Autumn is always a magical season for me...I am always at my best in the fall. This year in particular has been so full of portents that leave me not frightened, but oddly reassured that everything is unfolding just as it should.