Both Sides Now

[catelin]

Excerpt from a letter to a family friend who's in prison:

Please be sure to check you got the money I put on your books for you. I'll be writing the parole board again in May. Of course, we both know how much good that does! Ha! The boys are growing like crazy. I'm glad you liked the pictures. They look so different from last year, don't they? I carry them in my arms to bed after the usual round of toothbrushing and baths. It's as if they've grown overnight sometimes. Bittersweet, you know...to hold children and feel them slipping so quickly into that age when they soon won't want me to hold them at all. Who knows? Perhaps I'll be the first woman to raise sons who love giant gloppy hugs no matter how old they are! Hehe! I can almost hear you laughing at that one too. A week or so until Christmas. Just me and the boys again. That's alright, though. Funny how it feels more like family that way. Remember the huge gatherings we used to have? Hasn't been like that since Mema died. I was in the store yesterday and felt the most horrible longing for her. You know how she used to take us to the candy counter at Sears when we were little and she'd buy us chocolate stars? Well, I was walking down the grocery aisle and stopped in my tracks. They had chocolate stars...those old Brach's chocolate stars in small blue plastic bags. Every Christmas with her came to me while I was standing there--that Santa she'd put in the window, the divinity she made, the smell of her makeup, the way she fussed with her hair, her laugh--years and years of memories. I still miss her so much. So, yes...I'm getting all sappy, I know. But you also know how much I loved her, so forgive me that. I try to make the holidays as much like they were, or at least as much like I remember them being, for my own children. My parents will be celebrating with their dogs again this year. And Joe...well, you know all that shitty story. He only calls when he needs something. I haven't talked to him since the last time he got arrested. Got it sorted out but haven't heard from him since then. I guess you and I both have our "ghost families" that we remember from our childhoods. Everyone does, I imagine. So, that's all my news. I'll be thinking of you during the holidays. Think of better times and better places to come, dear, and don't let where you are define you. I know who you are, and so do you. Stay strong and I'll write again soon. Let me know when they give you another hearing date and I'll be there with bells on. Merry Christmas!
Love,
Cate

Comments

If I

[verian.livejournal.com]

was in a similar predicament I feel sure that I would gain much comfort from a letter such as this. You seem to be a very good person.

Re: If I

[catelin.livejournal.com]

I am, in all things, always what I seem to be.

I

[verian.livejournal.com]

am glad that is the case. Truly genuine people are rare nowadays, I guess everybody has an agenda but sometimes it doesn't impact other people to any painful degree. I think that's a compliment that doesn't sound like one. It's meant to be.