I suppose it finally occurred to me that I still had a home to go home to, and that I wasn't doing my kids any great shakes by teaching them to acquiesce to less than what they deserve by example.
I can't even express how much this small comment comforts me, Terri. I worry so much about doing the right thing for my kids. There are always so many pluses and minuses to weigh and figure. You telling me this really hits home to me how much damage parents can do by not doing right by themselves. There's nothing positive that comes out of having children watching the adults around them tolerate life, rather than live it.
The reason why a cop's kid aspires to be a lawyer, while a lawyer's kid aspires to be a judge, is because children internalize their parents as the limit point of what is possible in the world, and then push a little bit beyond--but only a little. My mom loved us furiously, but she was so attached to her identity as a survivor that I grew up convinced that survival was the best anyone could hope for in life. She could have had so much more, but chose not to, ostensibly for my sake, and for the sake of my brothers. But you know what? We were miserable in that home. When she finally did divorce him at 47, we had a party. For ourselves.
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The reason why a cop's kid aspires to be a lawyer, while a lawyer's kid aspires to be a judge, is because children internalize their parents as the limit point of what is possible in the world, and then push a little bit beyond--but only a little. My mom loved us furiously, but she was so attached to her identity as a survivor that I grew up convinced that survival was the best anyone could hope for in life. She could have had so much more, but chose not to, ostensibly for my sake, and for the sake of my brothers. But you know what? We were miserable in that home. When she finally did divorce him at 47, we had a party. For ourselves.