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Cate, i don't know what to say... but why should you be the one to leave?
I still have my house there, and friends who love me. I have a daycare for afterschool that I trust for my kids there. I have so much more there to make it easy for me to survive and be happy as a single mother. To stay here is appealing, but it makes no sense.
Cate, please call me if you'd like to talk.
an achey heart twist for you...
and wishes for peace and strength.
and wishes for peace and strength.
Strength to you and rest. I have an uninformed and irrational confidence that you'll get home, even if it's not exactly where or when you expect.
Ditto. I'm sorry that it came to this, but I'm once again in awe of your strength and courage. He's a fool. Best of luck getting back to Tejas.
wow, cate. let's talk this weekend.
I got your message. You're a doll. Let's definitely try to connect tomorrow.
*hugs* wishing you a smooth journey and a safe homecoming (and I'll refrain from wanting to kick a certain clueless idiot upside the head)
Cate, I"m sorry. I"m glad you have a home to return to, but that still has to be very difficult, and you risked so much. And I do hope we can get together before you return. The weather is lovely, it's beautiful on the esplanade, and Morgan can provide doggie love.
Seconding all of this. Except the doggie love.
I'm sad it wasn't what you thought it might be.
But I'm glad you're going home.
But I'm glad you're going home.
I sat here, not knowing what to say, Cate. I'm sorry but I'm not sorry. Because you're doing what you need to do. I'm sad but I'm not sad... everything I could say seems wrong. Then I found this poem by James Merrill in my inbox, a poem about the sirens of Germanic legend, singing and luring sailors...and parts of it said what I maybe couldshouldwould say:
***************************************
LORELEI
The stones of kin and friend
Stretch off into a trembling, sweatlike haze.
They may not after all be stepping-stones
But you have followed them. Each strands you, then
Does not. Not yet. Not here.
Is it a crossing? Is there no way back?
Soft gleams lap the base of the one behind you
On which a black girl sings and combs her hair.
It's she who some day (when your stone is in place)
Will see that much further into the golden vagueness
Forever about to clear. Love with its chisel
Deepens the lines begun upon your face.
**********************
This wild thing called Life, Girlfriend.
***************************************
LORELEI
The stones of kin and friend
Stretch off into a trembling, sweatlike haze.
They may not after all be stepping-stones
But you have followed them. Each strands you, then
Does not. Not yet. Not here.
Is it a crossing? Is there no way back?
Soft gleams lap the base of the one behind you
On which a black girl sings and combs her hair.
It's she who some day (when your stone is in place)
Will see that much further into the golden vagueness
Forever about to clear. Love with its chisel
Deepens the lines begun upon your face.
**********************
This wild thing called Life, Girlfriend.
Forever or just for a visit? I miss Texas.
I'm all about whatever works best for you babe.Strength and courage and endurance to get through this next upheaval are what I'm wishing your way. We live. We learn. We carry on. xoxo
i'm sorry this chance taken didn't work out the way you hoped; i hope it gives comfort to know you were brave enough to try, giving it your best.
that's so important, and you will land on your feet back home.
that's so important, and you will land on your feet back home.
Cate - I'm feeling a bit like what Lisa said... "sad but not sad".
I'm so glad you didn't choose a life of grey like so many
others would have and do.
I've been single for 8 years now because I'm not having
any of the grey.
Safe travels dear strong woman. <3
I know how difficult this has been for you. I'm so sorry. :(
Oh no!!! Don't you know Texas swallows people whole, trapping them in a life of misery... oh wait. That was me. ::grins:: I know when it's home, it's the best. Everyone hates this part of Illinois, but damn it, it's familiar and it's home and I have a lot of friends here, as do the kids.
Like I always say, I mean, not always, but I say it when I'm saying it, "You do what you have to do." Or, "Do what Vanessa would do" but that was mainly during card games, because she was a wicked good card player, and was used when trying to give a subtle hint to my partner. (But, uh, you might not want to do what Vanessa is doing now)
It hurts. Enough silliness from me, I know it hurts. But you have to do what is right for your kids, first, and for you, too. If you're not happy, the kids will know and will worry. You know all that, though. Hang in there, Cate. I've gone through enough valleys to know that there is always a rise coming around the next curve.
Take care of you.
Danny
Like I always say, I mean, not always, but I say it when I'm saying it, "You do what you have to do." Or, "Do what Vanessa would do" but that was mainly during card games, because she was a wicked good card player, and was used when trying to give a subtle hint to my partner. (But, uh, you might not want to do what Vanessa is doing now)
It hurts. Enough silliness from me, I know it hurts. But you have to do what is right for your kids, first, and for you, too. If you're not happy, the kids will know and will worry. You know all that, though. Hang in there, Cate. I've gone through enough valleys to know that there is always a rise coming around the next curve.
Take care of you.
Danny
My post just made me want to burst into the song Sunrise, Sunset from Fiddler on the Roof. I'm not sure why. I need sleep. That's my excuse.
Whew, girl. I am blown away. And so impressed--just yesterday I was saying how cool that I'm finally beginning to learn to LISTEN to my instincts and ACT on them in a timely fashion, instead of moping around pretending that I'm "deciding."
Now I know what "timely" means! :D (This way yer kiddies get to think of it as just a long vacation!)
I'm gonna call you on Monday, and YOU BETTER GET YOUR ASS ON THAT PATH TRAIN BEFORE YOU LEAVE.
Now I know what "timely" means! :D (This way yer kiddies get to think of it as just a long vacation!)
I'm gonna call you on Monday, and YOU BETTER GET YOUR ASS ON THAT PATH TRAIN BEFORE YOU LEAVE.
>>YOU BETTER GET YOUR ASS ON THAT PATH TRAIN BEFORE YOU LEAVE.
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I second that!!!!!
I'm going to email you, Cate!
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I second that!!!!!
I'm going to email you, Cate!
I can't say I'm really suprised by this because I'm not. I was hoping it wouldn't come down to this but it did and you made your decision and that's that.
I didn't write as there really wasn't anything helpful that came to mind. I was thinking of you though.
I didn't write as there really wasn't anything helpful that came to mind. I was thinking of you though.
Depending on the timeframe, I can try to come up and help pack one weekend. I know you're going back to where your support net is, I'm sure you'll survive the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune.
Anytime you need me, you just call. Start thinking about what you want Alan to cook for you when you get home. While he's cooking we can eat chips and Pace out of the jar.
Much love.
Much love.
You sounds like my wonderful Texas friends. :}
Yay, chips and Pace!
Yay, chips and Pace!
of course i'm all about the texas but i'm curious how you got from http://www.livejournal.com/users/catelin/145677.html to here
I suppose it finally occurred to me that I still had a home to go home to, and that I wasn't doing my kids any great shakes by teaching them to acquiesce to less than what they deserve by example.
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