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I got the lamest prank call EVER last night about one-thirty in the morning. Here's how it went:
RING RING RING followed by me waking up from a sound sleep with that weird split-second panic that middle-of-the-night phone calls bring.
Me: Hello?
Kid: Is Jack there? (He sounds maybe 15 at the most. There is a long pause....) As in Jack Mehoff?
[Even longer pause here because I am weighing my options of showing the kid what a REAL obscene phone call sounds like. You know. I'm talkin' 'bout the "Yeah, but Jack can't come to the phone right now because he's busy eatin' your mom's crusty crab-infested snatch" sort of reply. But then I decide it's too late and I'm too tired and the kid sounds just too young.]
Me: (After a long sigh.) You know, I'm sure you have better things to do than to wake people up in the middle of the night with this sort of bullshit. It's almost two o'clock in the morning. You didn't even say it right anyway. And you think that your call is blocked? Well, it's not. If you do it again, you're going to get in trouble. I'll let this one go, but don't ever call me again.
Kid: (Another pause.) Uh, ok........I'm sorry.
I laughed myself all the way into the kitchen for a glass of milk. The only thing that pissed me off about it was the fact that I couldn't get back to sleep and ended up watching "The Rookie" until almost three--one of the worst movies I've ever seen with every cop movie cliche you can imagine. Now I'm back to bed to see if I can catch up on those lost couple of hours before the kids get back home from their dad's.
RING RING RING followed by me waking up from a sound sleep with that weird split-second panic that middle-of-the-night phone calls bring.
Me: Hello?
Kid: Is Jack there? (He sounds maybe 15 at the most. There is a long pause....) As in Jack Mehoff?
[Even longer pause here because I am weighing my options of showing the kid what a REAL obscene phone call sounds like. You know. I'm talkin' 'bout the "Yeah, but Jack can't come to the phone right now because he's busy eatin' your mom's crusty crab-infested snatch" sort of reply. But then I decide it's too late and I'm too tired and the kid sounds just too young.]
Me: (After a long sigh.) You know, I'm sure you have better things to do than to wake people up in the middle of the night with this sort of bullshit. It's almost two o'clock in the morning. You didn't even say it right anyway. And you think that your call is blocked? Well, it's not. If you do it again, you're going to get in trouble. I'll let this one go, but don't ever call me again.
Kid: (Another pause.) Uh, ok........I'm sorry.
I laughed myself all the way into the kitchen for a glass of milk. The only thing that pissed me off about it was the fact that I couldn't get back to sleep and ended up watching "The Rookie" until almost three--one of the worst movies I've ever seen with every cop movie cliche you can imagine. Now I'm back to bed to see if I can catch up on those lost couple of hours before the kids get back home from their dad's.