Bystander

I've been feeling very much like a tourist lately. I figure it's an understandable reaction to all sorts of things going on in the world that I cannot bear to be a part of in my own head. The hurricane, the passing of another year since people literally disappeared into thin air, the cavalier smirking of the tyrants here and abroad...those are some of the big ones. Other things that have made me sick are smaller, more insidious--like seeing my childhood crush Danny from the Partridge family on some ghastly reality show commercial shooting up steroids on camera. He's got that gruesome look that comes only with multiple unsuccessful trips to rehab. It's watching a woman I know demean herself by getting knocked up in a last ditch attempt to hang onto her man. It's people treating their pets like they are handbags or furniture, rather than living creatures that grow attached and dependent upon them. Actually, now that I think about it, they're all big ones. Well, maybe not the Danny Bonaduce thing.

All of this has combined to make me gather into my own small world. I know the rest is out there. I'm still in it. I work on relief efforts, I try to make a difference, I skate, I work. But the only things that have any emotional resonance for me are those that lie within the circle of my home and hearth. My children, my animals, my family. The rest of it doesn't tug at my heart, not now. I see it out of focus, a sad impressionist blur that I don't want to look at too closely. I'm sure I'll be able to take it all in over time, in small bits and pieces. Feeling is very much like eating, there's only so much of certain flavors that one can tolerate. I'm just not up for what's on my plate lately.