Begin Again

My holiday is officially over today. It's been a long and lazy few weeks, which I enjoyed immensely until I remembered that when you work for yourself not working means not getting paid. I'll be okay, but that's the really nerve wracking part of this self-employment stuff. Now it's back to the normal routine of waking up bleary-eyed and getting the kids off to school every day. I still have a few more months until I have some truly open field in front of me. I want to be divorced. I'm impatient for it, feeling an urgency to legally sever the connection that ceased to exist in my own heart long ago. Like everything else that must be gotten through, I tell myself that it will just take time to be over. I tell myself that I will look back at it soon. I like the luxury of looking back on things that hurt me with a perspective that I knew I would have but struggled to reach. I have a patience now with the unpleasantness that pops up now and then in life because I have learned to detach from it enough to know it is not a permanent state. I don't know whether it's enlightenedness or sheer stubborn optimism, but it is what keeps me sane.

It's a whole new year. I still believe in love. Let's see what sorts of good things we can do this time around the sun.

Disgust

Note to self: I need to remember to keep a vomit bucket nearby when I watch the news. Jeb Bush, you and your whole fucking family ought to be ashamed at the way you all use other people's misery and tragedy to your own PR ends. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. You miserable excuses for a human beings. Oh, and Clinton? Fuck you too, Mr. Smarmypants.