Blur

Life's been a whirlwind lately...work, art, writing, more work, traveling, making plans for huge changes in the way I presently live. The best thing is that it's all good, really good. In fact, I don't think I've ever had it so good. Is it normal to have this awful fear that you're too happy? I was shocked that I even had such a thought. It's a ridiculous notion. I mean, how can someone be too happy? It's not as if my life has been something that I've endured, or that I've only ever been comfortable in the middle ground---idling in neutral, somewhere between happiness and despair. It's been the twists and turns (even for the worse) that have given my life its most profound meaning. The lesson over the last few months has been learning to let go of that and just enjoy the bright shiny stuff as it comes. I suppose that feeling like I have to be ready for "Something Bad" is an undercurrent that will always live just beneath my skin. I've been both witness and participant in so much "Something Bad" that I don't expect the need to be on guard to ever go away completely. It is nice to think though, that the urgency of the feeling will go away; that at some point all of the ugly, misshapen souls I've had to deal with will fade into hazy memory, like faint scars whose origins I can barely recall from particular childhood scrapes. It's nice to think that I have arrived at an age and place where sustained joy is not only possible, but inevitable.

Half-marathon this weekend. I don't know that I'm as ready as I would like to be for it, but I will be doing it! Yay me!

I am very much looking forward to getting up north and finally seeing some friends that I've had online for quite a while now. I promise I'm not nearly such a dork as I always sound like on the phone, Joi! I'm just really shy about talking on the phone and I rarely call people except for work. So please weigh in the Herculean effort it takes for me to actually call with how stupid I sound---and maybe it will even out! Heh! I am really looking forward to seeing all of you, though!!! : )