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Ha!!! A portion of the transcript from closing arguments in the case I just finished a couple of weeks ago. This really cracks me up! I must have been delirious!
*****
JUDGE: Counsel, you have ten minutes left for rebuttal.
MS. COMPTON: Thank you, Your Honor. May it please the Court, Counsel. Ladies and Gentlemen of the jury, in order to acquit this defendant you are going to have to believe one of two things. You are going to have to believe that every single one of these boys that testified is a liar, or you are going to have to believe that the man sitting at that table is the unluckiest person in the world. Really. I mean, have you ever heard of anyone with worse luck than this man? No matter where he goes, no matter what he does, no matter who he's with, he somehow always manages to wind up with a young boy's penis in his hand! And on a bad day, on a really bad day, in his mouth!. . . .
*****
That should lift a few eyebrows at the Court of Appeals.
JUDGE: Counsel, you have ten minutes left for rebuttal.
MS. COMPTON: Thank you, Your Honor. May it please the Court, Counsel. Ladies and Gentlemen of the jury, in order to acquit this defendant you are going to have to believe one of two things. You are going to have to believe that every single one of these boys that testified is a liar, or you are going to have to believe that the man sitting at that table is the unluckiest person in the world. Really. I mean, have you ever heard of anyone with worse luck than this man? No matter where he goes, no matter what he does, no matter who he's with, he somehow always manages to wind up with a young boy's penis in his hand! And on a bad day, on a really bad day, in his mouth!. . . .
That should lift a few eyebrows at the Court of Appeals.