catelin: (top hat)
( Sep. 1st, 2006 02:51 pm)
Here's what going on, the quick & dirty version:

It's way too hot here and I'm ready for fall. Busted my chin open at our last bout, blood on the track (thank you, Bob Dylan!), and then super-glued it together like MacGyver! Work is getting interesting. Sallie Mae still has me in a fucking chokehold and now I hear the CEO may buy a baseball team. All you politicians who keep selling off our rights to the CORPORATION can eat a dick. I hate you with a burning sun of hatred. My boys are growing like crazy and it's freaking me out! I am planning on going to Marfa in November to hang out with all the other wandering desert artists...part of the big master plan to become the 21st century Georgia O'Keefe (only with not much painting talent!). I have a big crush that I'm sure won't last, but he's like catnip to me and I just want to rub my face up against him every time I see him. Meow. I have another dog that I rescued off the streets. A pug named Bug. He's a big pain in the ass and he snores and burps and farts all over me but I love him! I have four dogs now, but they are all so small that they really only count as 1/2 a the real count should be two. Still, I'm at maximum capacity for the animal orphanage. No más. My hair is finally getting back to its old braidable self. Thank goodness! I feel like myself again. Weekend coming up, a roller derby bout in Austin--our first interleague game ever--and then the countdown to real fall weather. I can't wait! Friday!! Monster movies and popcorn with the kids tonight. And probably more dog farts. Ah, life.
For any of you who want to play the roller derby version of Where's Waldo.

Can you spot me?

Summer's the best. Having a great time. Wish you were here.

catelin: (Default)
( Apr. 4th, 2006 12:33 am)
I can't believe we're already bouting again this Sunday, but here are some pics from our first bout on March 19th. I was so pleased with how things turned out. It was definitely a success for us, coming together in less than a year!! The skating was good. We're all still learning, but I was really proud of everyone and I felt like we'd made HUGE improvements since November. These may look like ordinary derby photos to everyone else, but look closely and you will see the extraordinary magic to be found wherever determined women gather together. : )
catelin: (Default)
( Jan. 30th, 2006 10:00 pm)
I'm here...quiet, reading, working feverishly to wrap up some writing projects. Winter doesn't seem like winter at all these days, all sun and moderation--leaves me with the feeling that the cold will be coming soon enough. My life is consumed once again by derby...our season starts in March and we're preparing in earnest now for our first kickass season. Work is hectic, but good. I've made a lot of decisions that are related to making peace with where I will be going from here. This entails a lot of work and catching up with things that I left to languish over the last year, but I'll get to where I need to be in time. The boys are both playing basketball now and it's an exercise in joy for both of them. There are few things I love more than watching how happy they are when they move, all action and enthusiasm, grinning and dribbling down the court at the rec center. As usual, it seems there are not enough hours in the day to get done what needs doing. I know I don't say much, and I'm probably a spotty friend even at my best, but I'm still keeping up with you all as well as I can. I miss you and I love you. I may not have much to say, but I'm always glad to know you are here with me.
catelin: (durgapink)
( Nov. 15th, 2005 09:26 am)
The exhibition bout was amazing fun! We had a sold out crowd and about three hundred more who were outside. I had no idea until it was all over how many people we had show up, but it was a great time and all of us felt really crazy good about the upcoming season. First time jitters are now out of the way and we're totally looking toward March 2006. My dad took some pics at the bout, so any of you who want to take a look can find them here.
catelin: (durgared)
( Nov. 11th, 2005 07:24 am)
I was just interviewed the other day by the Texas Bar Journal and they are coming to the bout on Sunday. It gives me immense satisfaction to know that all the stodgy old coots I deal with will soon be reading about my derby exploits in their...ahem... professional journal. Nothing like a subtle, subversive finger to the establishment's face--love those!

The rest of my news is the usual mix of awful sad and giddy happy. My dad is coming to town for our exhibition bout, and tonight we will all be taking in Wurstfest for the first time. I've never been in all the time I've lived here, so I'm looking forward to it. I have made the decision to put my oldest kitty to sleep next week. I'm having the vet come here so he won't be scared. It's time, and there's no way for me to keep telling myself it isn't. He's almost 20, but suddenly it seems like a very short time, even in cat years. Love is treating me nicely these days, making me feel like I won the lottery. I'm always happy for that sort of thing. Lawyering stuff is hard again...still struggling with people who can't see me as anything but a prosecutor, even though I've been gone for a little over two years. One of my clients, a man who was arrested on his stepson's say-so that he threatened him with a knife and forced from his home with a protective order that was based on the same thing...his daughter is dead now--murdered yesterday by the stepson. A 14-year-old girl butchered to death. His only child dead by the hand of the person he was most worried would hurt her. I'll be drinking beer and listening to polka bands tonight. Life works that way, and thank goodness for it. Bitter and sweet, as my grandmother would say. We couldn't survive one without the other.

Bout Sunday in San Antonio, for those of you close enough to make it over there. Doors open at 6:30 and all the info you need is on our website, which is in my user info.

Hope everyone has a good weekend, a spectacular weekend. We could all use that, couldn't we?
catelin: (Default)
( Sep. 30th, 2005 09:15 am)
I've been dancing a jig since that smarmy shitbag Tom DeLay was indicted earlier this week. Politics is sickening as usual and the media just keeps feeding it to us. There's been some speculation as to the existence of a plea bargain in the works with DeLay, given that on the face of the indictment there is a waiver of the statute of limitations for prosecution. That's highly irregular as indictments go, and usually would not happen unless there has been some serious negotiation on the front side, so I'm fairly certain that there was at least some sort of agreement worked out. Still, the bullshit rhetoric continues. Please, the next time a politician gets indicted with some sort of secret deal worked out ahead of time, can we please require that everyone be ordered to SHUT THE FUCK UP FINALLY!!?? I realize that the empire is dying and I'm probably doomed to a life of living under the rule of corporate-suckled, wheezing mediocrity until the death star finally implodes. But if I can't have a revolution, I'd just like a little peace and quiet.

Had a taste yesterday of fall, but it will be back up into the 90s today. The little house has been repainted with silly orangesicle trim and a bright red door, soon to be followed by a red roof. Gardening will probably be minimal this fall since I'm so busy with derby stuff, but I'm definitely looking forward to doing a bit of landscaping in the coming year. I'm also still toying with ideas for the little plot of land I have down the road.

I'm off to a second round of derby camp this weekend. We have a dozen girls going this time, twice as many as last time. That makes sense, given that our league is about twice the size as before. I'm looking forward to seeing some familiar faces and getting to know some new ones better.

Fall is the only season that makes me want to have everyone I know into my home. Maybe I'll have an autumnal gathering of some sort in the near future. I'm brewing stories and feel a nice, long writerly spell coming on.
catelin: (sittingbrighid)
( Sep. 20th, 2005 12:07 am)
A shot taken on a hot afternoon, sábado at the Alamo, all of us looking fierce in our green and black finery. I don't like the picture at first. The vain bitch voice that lives inside my head points out everything that's wrong...too fair as usual, face too broad and frank, squinty little eyes, giant nose. See how awful you look next to her? she hisses. What were you ever thinking? You look ridiculous.

The thing is, over the years, I've gotten really pissed at that nasty little voice. I've grown impatient with it and I don't have much use for it these days. I used to say that I had no regrets about my life or the way I've lived it and several months ago I took that back. I was talking to a girl who is beautiful, drop-dead absolutely fucking gorgeous. She was so critical of herself, so intent on cataloguing every flaw that she was missing it completely. That's when I realized that I'd done the same thing to myself for decades. I didn't say anything to her, but I did say something to another girl. Ironically enough, it was on the same day this photo was taken. One of the girls, beautiful and graceful in the way you don't see very often anymore, began to quietly point out everything that she hated about her body and her face. She dreaded being photographed because she never came out looking "decent."

I told her that I had only one regret so far in my life and it was this: that I was so goddamn cruel to my younger self regarding my physical appearance that I never caught a glimpse of how beautiful I was back then. That I completely missed it and by the time I realized it enough to appreciate, it was gone. I see it now when I look at the rare photos where someone managed to catch me unawares, where I wasn't frozen in a horrible anxious pose or mugging to hide my intense fear of not photographing well. Don't get me wrong; I didn't think of myself as ugly. I knew my best and worst features by heart. I did, however, think of myself as never good enough. You know the drill, right, girls? Never pretty enough. Never thin enough. Never a flat enough belly. Never a rounded enough hip. Never full enough lips or big enough eyes. You name it. I had my own whole earth catalog of flaws that I could keep myself busy with all day.

That's my regret. I wish I'd been kinder to myself then. I caught myself listening to that awful voice more lately, coming into my forties. It's hard not to do when I spend several days a week around several dozen gorgeous women who are ten to twenty years my junior. I'd silently berate myself for different "flaws"--wrinkles, too many freckles, a neckline that's starting to show its age, arm flab, ass flab, belly flab...a whole fucking flabalanche. I'd like to say that I tell myself "fuck it" and don't give it much thought. And that's actually how it is most of the time. I want to be kinder to myself through this next transition into the woman I am becoming. I was a beautiful girl in my twenties. I rarely let myself see that, and then only in very superficial ways. In my thirties, much of the same, overcome in part by the birth of my two boys. I slowly began to grow into my body and my face, to accept that I had value beyond the external.

So when I caught myself letting that horrid voice drown me with it's awful criticism, I stopped looking. I set the picture down and didn't come back to it again, until I could remind myself that I deserve better than that. I will not regret the same sort of nonsense with my older self, so I sit down and take a good long look at it.

*snap* )


catelin: (Default)


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